The Courage to Change the Things I Can

by Leigh-Ann Larson

In my previous post we discussed needing serenity and acceptance for the MULTITUDE of “people, place and things” we are not going to be able to change. And that ultimately, the only thing that we can change is ourselves and how we respond in the world.  So, how do we muster up the knowledge of what, exactly, needs to be changed in our lives?

I think taking an orderly approach to answering this question is a good idea: so lets look at PEMS. PEMS stands for the 4 “parts” of a person that makes up the whole of our human experience.

• P is for physical: our bodies and self care: sleep, nutrition, exercise, hydration, hygiene, etc.
• E is for the Emotional: this aspect of our lives manifests in our relationships with other people. Our family members, friends, acquaintances, professional relationships, etc.
• M is for our “mental body”, or our thought life. Thoughts can lead us into the deep waters of depression, anxiety, low self-worth or they can bolster and encourage us on our life journey.
• The final letter S represents our spiritual self. For some this means our belief in God, our relationship with that creator, our spiritual and/or religious practices. S can also represent our creativity that “flow state” that people often experience when “work is play” or they are expressing themselves creatively or artistically.  

I encourage my clients to look at their lives through this lens of PEMS. This is a touch point for self-care, to determine where our counseling work needs to start. It is important to know what our strengths are when it comes to PEMS and what are limitations are. It is when we explore this that we can discover what needs to change.

So I encourage you to take an inventory to determine where it is you need to find courage to make some changes.  Start with your physical body: how is your diet, your exercise, your sleep? Are you attending your doctor appointments, taking prescribed medications as your doctor suggests? Are you experiencing your sexuality in a physically, emotionally and spiritually safe way? Write out a list of your strengths and a list of your limitations, things that need to be changed.

Now look at your emotional life. How are your relationships with family members? Do you feel loved and are you loving? Do you feel that you need to invest more time and energy into your relationships with family and friends? Do you have “psychic vampires in your life”? These are people who drain your energy, create drama or suck you into gossip? (Are you the psychic vampire)? How about “emotional zombies?” These are people who are cold, aloof, make you feel badly about yourself and leave you feeling isolated and alone. Write about the quality of your relationships, good and bad. Do you seen anything that you need to change for your emotional well being?

Next up is the Mental inventory. Are your thoughts bringing you down or are you a chronic worrier? Do you talk badly to yourself about yourself-have negative self talk that leaves you feeling like a mistake or worthless?  Or do you have coping strategies in your thought life where you are able to catch negative self talk and re-frame it with positive? Here is a good way to find out what your mental life looks like: write down 10 things that you love about yourself. If that is a struggle, your thought life may need to be changed.

And lastly, is your spiritual life.  No matter what religion, all religions believe that we are made in the image of our creator. With that said, it makes sense, that when we are creating, we are as close to our “God nature” (however we define that) as we can possibly be. So ask yourself this- do you have any creative outlets? What are they? Do you have frequent opportunities to be creative? Also important to Spiritual health is Faith life and beliefs.  Ask yourself the following questions. Are you engaging in a community with other people that share your sense of self in the world? Do you participate in the practices of your religion? Are you thinking and acting in ways that are congruent with your spiritual life? Answer these questions and you will have an idea where you stand on this issue and will be able to determine what changes you may need to make.

If you do the above exercises and answer these questions by taking stock in your PEMS health, you will have a good understanding of where you are going to need to get some courage, and what you are going to need to change.  In the end, remember this….the ONLY thing that you can change, is the way that your respond to the answers that you came up with. Ultimately, the question of changes comes down to this:

Do I need to make changes in they way I take care of my physical body? Do I need to make changes in my relationships and how I respond to people in order to improve my emotional well being? Do I need to change my thought life so that I do not allow depression and worry take over my life or re-work my sense of self so that I can be all I was created to be? And lastly, do I need to change things in my life in order to enhance my spiritual well-being?

When you answer these questions, it becomes clear why we need COURAGE…if we are being honest, we all have things that need to be changed if we are to improve our PEMS health. But FEAR NOT for, as author and speaker Joyce Meyers loves to say “I may not be where I am supposed to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.” And to that I will say. AMEN!