It has been a stressful year. No matter what you have been dealing with, there have been times where you weren’t always your best self. With families and couples being home together for longer periods of time, it is only natural that disagreements and hurt could arise. You may find that you’re struggling more intensely with your relationships and fighting more often. 

“I’m sorry” only heals so much. Seeking to understand the other person’s injury, offering sincere regret, righting the wrong, and showing it’ll never happen again heals the wound more.

Reasons to Apologize

By apologizing, you are able to:

  • Acknowledge that you were wrong.
  • Discuss what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship
  • Express your regret and remorse
  • Learn from your mistakes and find new ways of dealing with difficult situations
  • Open up a line of communication with the other person. 

Keep these tips in mind while apologizing:

Take a breath

In the moment, emotions can be on the rise. Make sure to take a breath to try and calm down before discussing what went wrong. You could even suggest both of you walk away and come back together in 10 or 20 minutes to continue to have the conversation. If you need to you can even schedule a time for the conversation. Check your tone and make sure you’re ready to apologize.

Actively listen before rushing to apologize

Taking the time to ask what is going on and trying to understand how the other person is feeling is important. Then listen without interrupting, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. By active listening you can gather insight to see past the surface issue and look deeper. For example, is the issue you were late for dinner or is the issue that your significant other does not feel like a priority because you are late? By listening you will find those details out.

Prepare your apology in advance when possible

If writing down your apology helps you organize and gather your thoughts then feel free to do so. You could have a trusted friend or family member look it over too to get an outside opinion. 

Be specific in your apology

When someone is vulnerable with you about the harm you have caused, show them the same vulnerability by expressing your regret, explaining why it happened, and showing how you’ll repair the damage. Be clear about what you are apologizing for and know the difference between explaining and justifying your actions. In the same breath, it is also ok to admit that you can’t explain why you screwed up. 

Avoid turning your apology into a debate

Saying something like “I’m sorry if I hurt you” undermines the feelings of the person receiving the apology. You’re invalidating their feelings and not taking responsibility for your actions. This is also not the time for re-airing past grievances. Apologizing is a conversation, not a debate.

Remember actions speak louder than words

Sometimes words are enough, but actions are equally important. If you say sorry, but keep doing the same thing you apologized for over and over- that apology loses meaning. Consider the scenario where your significant other felt upset because you didn’t help carry the groceries inside. You said sorry, but offer support in the future by being ready to carry groceries inside once they come home with the groceries. You could even ask them to call when they’re on their way home, so you know to be ready. Communication is essential. 

Be patient after apologizing

Not everyone is ready to accept your apology and that is okay. Your apology may be rejected, but it’s important an attempt was made. Sometimes you are able to discuss why they are rejecting your apology and remedy it then. If not, you may have to accept the apology was not accepted and be patient. Forgiveness may not come immediately, but could come at a later time.